Puerco Pibil (Robert Rodriguez, Te Amo)

"Not knowing how to cook is like not knowing how to fuck." --Robert Rodriguez

If you don't know who Robert Rodriguez is, he's the director behind the films El Mariachi, Desperado, and, most pertinent to this post, Once Upon A Time In Mexico. In Once Upon A Time In Mexico, Johnny Depp's character Special Agent Sands is obsessed with puerco pibil, a traditional Mexican dish of slow-roasted pork in achiote sauce. I don't know why I decided to give puerco pibil a try; it wasn't because of the movie. However, when looking for a recipe, I came across a video of Rodriguez demonstrating how to cook this dish like in the movie. Being a fancy-pants director and all, the video is very well done, and fun to watch, so I encourage you to check it out.

The main component of puerco pibil, aside from pork butt, is achiote paste, a Mexican spice blend utilizing achiote (aka annatto) seeds, which impart a distinct yellow-orange color to dishes. Not having the items on hand to make traditional achiote paste, I was honestly going to fudge it with some turmeric, but after watching Rodriguez's video I felt I would be doing the spirit of the dish a disservice if I half-assed it. So I made an unscheduled run by Whole Foods on my way home from school and picked up the requisite spices. Now, while I try to avoid unscheduled store runs as much as possible, I defend them where spices are concerned, because spices can make or break a meal and, more importantly, they are an investment. Shelling out for the spices needed to make, say, traditional Indian food, may set you back quite a bit initially, but it will be a long long time before you have to buy them again, and the range of culinary possibilities a well-stocked spice rack allows you pursue is well worth the initial cost. Anyway. About this pork.

Something that comes to mind after eating my puerco pibil is, gosh, it must suck to be a Jew, or a Muslim, or (god forbid) a vegan. They are so missing out on the glory of this pork. Oh my god. This might be the most amazing dish I have ever produced with my own hands. Seriously, it's so good that when I took a piece out of the package to test if it was done, I almost cut myself in my rush to get it on my plate. And...it...was...SO...EASY. You do need a food processor or a blender, though.

I must admit, I did not follow Rodriguez's recipe to the letter. I did not, for instance, throw in a tablespoon of "the finest tequila I could find." I'm not much of a tequila drinker, nor am I a fancy pants big shot movie director, so I opted to not drop the money on a bottle of tequila just to throw a splash into my meat. I did, however, pick up a six pack of hop shock IPA on my unscheduled store run, and a splash of that did just fine.

Here's Rodriguez's recipe with my slight tweakings. I made a much smaller amount than he did. However, I would suggest that you make the full amount of achiote paste and use only as much as you need and freeze the rest for another day.

Achiote paste:

5 Tbsp annatto seeds

1 Tbsp whole black pepper corns

8 whole allspice

2 tsps cumin

1/2 tsp whole cloves

8 cloves garlic

2 Tbsps salt

1/2 cup orange juice

1/2 cup white vinegar

Grind the spices together in a very clean coffee grinder (no coffee residue) until very fine. Add to a food processor with the garlic, salt, orange juice and vinegar, and pulse until smooth. Use 1/5 of this amount of achiote per one pound of meat; freeze any leftover paste.

The pork:

2 lbs pork butt, cut into 1-2 inch cubes

2/5 of the achiote paste made using above method

2 serrano peppers, minced (Rodriguez uses habanero, but that may be a hotness bridge too far. Start out with the milder serranos and work up to the habanero if that's what you're into.)

Juice of two lemons

1 Tbsp tequila, if you have it. I used beer.

tin foil (my substitution for the more-exotic and authentic banana leaves)

Preheat the oven to 325. Combine all the ingredients and mix well to coat. In a roasting pan or baking dish, lay out two or three pieces of foil, rather larger than the size of the dish, and overlap to keep the juices from running out. Pour the pork and all the sauce into the tinfoil and fold it up into a tight package. Roasting time is approximately 1 hour per pound of meat. Serve the hot pork over rice or hot corn tortillas topped with fresh avocado slices and a squeeze of lime. And have a beer on the side. Holy shit, is it good. Make this for all your friends.